I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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