Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
