I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
i dont even know how to be here
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
