I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
