before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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