He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
