I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
Classy? Dude, she fucked 3 guys as part of a scavenger hunt
And?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
