I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
