but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
