After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
