I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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