sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
Randomize