And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
yeah...well...life isn't all puppies & lap dances
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Randomize
