So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
She bit a glass in half.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I'm sending you a dick pic. Ill tell the other ppl in this pancheros its cool
Don't send a pic of dick unless it's inside the burrito
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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