he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
Can we talk about the fact that a stranger is doing a line of coke off our living room table right now?
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
