There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
