I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
