he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
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