His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Randomize