Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
