I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
