what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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