I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
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