eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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