i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
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