marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
