I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Randomize
