the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
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