my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
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