i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
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