take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
