So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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