You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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