so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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