a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize