After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
