but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
