Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
