Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
