she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
