I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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