I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
Monday funday. I brushed my teeth with antibacterial soap. hangover I did not have.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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