i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
