please. tell me to stop eating out of the trash.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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