belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
