And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
