When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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