i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Also...I'm semi-dating the drug dealer that took me to bible study
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
