I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Randomize
