he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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