I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
My life is pants optional.
Randomize