The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
