you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
