I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
