I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
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