sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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