i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Dude, somewhere around here makes 4loko slushies. I just decided coming home isn't so bad.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Watching her eat just hurts me
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
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