Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
