I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
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