You made me cry and you don't even care
is wine microwaveable?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
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