I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
Randomize
