haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
maybe i get so drunk and make stupid mistakes cuz Subconsiously im preparing for my real world debut
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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