I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize