I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
