Taylor Swift is so right about you.
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize