My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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