Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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