A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize