You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
The woman exiting the men's room tried convincing me she was actually a good-looking man.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
