Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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