tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
