absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
There is a video of you making out with him, flipping off the camera, and holding the plastic flamigo that you had just stolen out of a yard
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
