My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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