Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
I just woke up and my mouth tastes like I licked the bathroom floor in the last ghetto bar we were in. I'm going to get my mouth checked for chlamydia. Do I see a dentist for that?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Randomize