sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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