i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
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