Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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