Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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