College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
