remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
He sent me a pic of her engagement ring and then STILL asked for nudes.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Randomize
