Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
areolas are like halos for boobs.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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