I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Randomize
