haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
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