Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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