ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
