Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
