I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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