turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Randomize
