Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Randomize
