I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
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