I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
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