Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
