I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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