I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
two words...techno handjob
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
