The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
Randomize
