the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
