Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
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